Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Pigs and Freezers

So, we were up at Franco’s place the other day. He had a truckload of hay delivered and David went up to help unload it. I joined later for the obligatory glass of wine. While there we wandered around with Franco so he could do his chores. He’s got lots of animals to clean and feed and a number of gardens to tend to.

Franco, as you may recall from last winter, raises pigs for slaughter. This year he has three. He and his wife usually keep the meat of one and sell the rest. David got inspired.

He said to me, “Should we buy half a pig this year?”

Lynn: “Yeah, great idea.” Given that, even after decapitation, the pigs are larger than our entire fridge and that the freezer section of this can hold about two ice cube trays and a tub of gelato, I don’t think it’s realistic to think we’d get a half of one of Franco’s pigs in there. “Where do you suppose we’d put this meat?”

David: “Hmmm. What if we buy a freezer?”

Lynn: “Yeah, great idea. Where do you suppose we’d put that?”

Here comes the best part of the conversation…

David: “In the bedroom?”

He was serious.

Now, I must say here that my intellectually above-average husband is really a great problem solver. As anyone who knows him knows he doesn’t seem to see the world in quite the same way as a goodly number of the rest of us folks. And it’s this characteristic that allows him to find solutions where others can not. For example: need a freezer = buy a freezer, need space for the freezer = put it in the bedroom.

Now, having said all of THAT, let me list the top 5 reasons that this is the most ridiculous idea the guy has ever had:

5) “Honey, can you run up to the bedroom to fetch me some bacon? It’s right underneath your pile of dirty laundry.”

4) Freezers are really heavy and we have this small issue in our bedroom of an imminently collapsing floor.

3) I think it would be really hard to find the right color freezer to match the Turkish rug hanging on the wall.

2) Living in the country in this simple and primitive way we do, we walk a fine line between “rusticity” and “squalor” . A freezer in the bedroom, in my opinion, would propel us with jet- rocket-like speed into Whitetrashville.

1)Ummm, well, IT’S OUR BEDROOM!!!!

I must admit that I originally wanted to make a top 10 list but could only come up with 5. Maybe the guy’s on to something…no. He’s not.


  1. EarleinDenver8:21 PM

    Here is reason 6 - Even the new "quiet" ones make a little too much noise for a bedroom. Sorry David, but I side with Lynn on this one. How about the bathroom, you can always use another counter top.

  2. Anonymous4:15 PM

    Well, what a lovely addition to your bedroom suite. Really though, if we're going for squalor it really should be outside next to the front steps. And the added benefit, you would be showing all the Joneses that you have half a pig. Also, does he realize how much half of any farm animal is? You'll be eating pork into the next decade. Cindy