Under the Mabergese Sun: A manual for all the non-Frances Mayeses who want la bella vita
This is the working title of the book that I have been forming in my head since moving to Italy. Ok, it’s not a book at all but I have been collecting chapter titles for the past 4 years. Every time something, um, interesting happens I think, “oh, now there’s a chapter title”. I’m not writing a book but if I did it would definitely be a how-to manual (Or, do I dare say, a DO-IT-YOURSELF!).
I’d like to share some of these chapters now:
Chapter One: "How to come from downtown Denver, Colorado and find Maberga…and become it’s only residents"
Chapter Two: "What you are supposed to do when the notary/lawyer “needs to make a photocopy” and leaves the room during the closing of your house purchase"
(This chapter has a subchapter titled: "Don’t be afraid when going into the bank with the briefcase, just make sure the teller knows it’s closing day")
Chapter Three: "How to read at night and keep the beer cold when the neighbor (and former owner of your new home) gets pissed off and rips out all your electricity"
Chapter Four: "What to say when you are remodeling the kitchen and a neighbor offers you a sink from their front yard "
Chapter Five: "Your real role at a pig slaughter" (this has two sections – male and female)
Chapter Six: "What to do when your husband is trimming the olive trees and cuts his heads with the chainsaw"
Chapter Seven: "What to do at a pig castration" (not a repeat of chapter six...ha ha ha, just kidding, honey!)
Then there would be a whole section of the book dedicated to entertaining….
Chapter Eight: "Menu planning when having the Calabrians for dinner - what NOT to serve"
Chapter Nine: "What to do when you have a houseful of teenage boys and the toilet doesn’t flush"
Chapter Ten: "What to do when you have a houseful of teenage girls and the shower doesn’t work"
Chapter Eleven: "What to do when you have house guests from California and no heat"
Then, of course there would be the general life section…
Chapter Twelve: "You, your 500 year old stone house in Italy and no hot water" (that one has a winter and summer version)
Chapter Thirteen: "You, your 500 year old stone house in Italy and no water" (again, winter and summer advice)
Two days ago came Chapter Fourteen:
"Duct tape -- a how-to when the tubes break that carry the flushed toilet water/discharge away from the house"
After this latest chapter I’m considering a new book title – Knee Deep.